Museum “My Own Private Place”

“I took the drug an hour ago, and I have been waiting for its effects to be felt. I was told that this medicine comes from a place that never existed, that the supply of it is priceless, and the experience one of a kind. Had I known about it, I am sure I would have taken it earlier, especially after the accident put me on this course.

All those years of seeking and moving would have been avoided, had I known and been able to see what I am seeing tonight. All along I thought that what I was looking for was something I no longer had, but soon I realized that what I had must be a feeling too.

So I sought it out, and I managed to find what I am looking for.

It says that it can bring about that kind of trauma.

And I am starting to feel their effects.

Years from now, I will know this as the moment when I went from having things bad, to having things get worse.

I will be resting in my chair, much as I am now, with a pained look on my face, and when my friends and family ask me, as I rocked in my chair with an empty face, they will ask me what is wrong, and I will know that I will remember every detail.

And I will share and spread The Glow.

I asked for pain and I received it.

A knowledge hidden, a prophecy...

It burns like a dying sun.

“Please listen to me. Just listen and don't try to judge it or reason around it. Don't try to accuse me of simply being under the influence of something, because I am, and it isn't supposed to be doing what it is doing for me. I know the last few years have been horrible. I have been horrible, and I have said terrible, hurtful thing that you can never repeat because you know what people would say about me.

And I just...I know you understand it is the illness, and it is the sickness that is making me treat you like I have been, and I wish so so much that I could pretend that I am simply not that person normally, but that would be a lie. Deep down, when things hurt, I get like this, and there is no way I can excuse it. I take it out on you, and that is wrong.

SO so wrong, and when it happens I want to scream, because I can see it happening but I can't stop it.

I love you John, more than I could ever put into words, but I am going to try while I still can. Like I said, it isn't supposed to do this. It is supposed to seek out those who are worthy, to reach out to those in need and provide them with the exact gift they will need further down the line.

Sometimes that is a puppy, and sometimes it is a scalpel.

And today, it is the ability to write this down, even though I don't deserve it.

IF I could, I would do it myself. I really would. IT IS horrible to see you get more and more hurt day after day, night after NIGHT. You wake up, and I see it. The smile is slower, and it isn't as strong, and I make you hurt for it, and that is so wrong because it isn't your fault.

I am angry at you for something I did to you.

So I need you to know that I do love you, that I always have loved you and always will, underneath it all. And believe me, the first wish I made, the thing I asked for it couldn't give me. It can provide the instruments of someone's destruction, but not the destruction of the maker of the wish. So please know I tried to release you, and I couldn't, and for that I am so so sorry. You deserve better than that.

DON'T get me wrong, I know that this all just seems like another manipulation, another painful act of petty revenge or malice, to grant you a semblance of knowledge and a feeling of connection only to take it away. You have been through enough, and reading this...trusting this and me.

I know that it is perhaps too tall for you to scale, too much for me to ask of you. But LET ME plead my case for you, let me try to see you again the way I truly want to, and maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to see you through.

Gods I know I love you, and I really hope that this will find you in a receptive mood, with me having fallen asleep, and this note placed somewhere with care, in the hopes that you will read it when you need to, and that you will understand.

The Tikoloshe doesn't choose its victims carelessly. It is selective and most of all it is measured. It didn't do this to me because I am doing something right, or because I have been doing something wrong. It simply set into motion the machine that keeps this pattern repeating over and over again, and I think that that was all it wanted.

If it wanted justice, it wouldn't do to me what it has done, especially since you have chose to stick with me even after all that I did and all I continue to do to you. If this is punishment, than I do not understand it at all. Every night I die, either by my own hand or simply...on my own. I know that you have to do everything you can to help make this process easier, but I am begging you to please reconsider.

Please...I didn't think that this damage would stay, and I didn't think that things would refuse to heal.

When I tried to end the cycle and it simply made it worse, I like to believe that it was the final act of love I ever sent your way. And I am hoping, desperately that this will be the second and the final, because after this I won't get another chance.

I die every night, and soon after I return in agony, the wounds resetting and the anguish returning. You never get used to dying and coming back, to the endless cycle even over the course of a year. That dread never leaves you, and it takes everything I have to simply not simply keep ending it over and over.

I want to COME BACK to you. I want this so so much, to come back to you before the damage, before the stupid, awful thing I did that I cannot forgive myself for, but also I can't stop from hurting you. And at this point I know that it is maybe your love for me...that makes you stay.

Or maybe it is fear.

But maybe not total fear. You reached a point where you broke, and you feel sick inside for that. You couldn't have known that the wound would stick, that the powder would be faulty and the bullet would stay lodged in my brain. You can regrow limbs and everything else, but you cannot force out a bullet once it has found a home.

You don't need to take care of me anymore, and I want you to go away and leave me.

IF YOU CAN.

I love you more than anything in the world, even if I am bad at it.

I love you.

I am out of time...””

She was trying to avoid the Jingles rules. It reads “Don't let me come back if you can.”

I've got a recollection of coded messages in other pieces...I better keep an eye out.

These accounts suggest an interaction between entities that I have rarely seen before. The creature known as the Old Man, and the entity known as the Jingle, interact on several recorded occasions, but that is more a matter of fact than reason. I have my theories, but that isn't what is important here.

What is important is that creatures rarely interrupt the cycles of another, the Jingle offering aid sometimes by warning of the approach of something worse (I.E. the aforementioned Old Man) but never once contact has been made.

But here, if this account is true, the Jingle is helping someone already in the throws of the Tikoloshe's resurrections.

So why the change?

And what is this drug the poster is talking about?

Is it a drug, or is it a monster?