Jack Part 8

They arrived back at the house shortly before noon, Jack noting quickly approaching rainclouds collecting in the distance. The wind managed to take some of the heat out of the air, and a light wind floated over the landscape. Jack headed inside, waiting just inside the door as Maddie arrived with the remaining groceries. Jack walked over to the table, noting that it was empty.

“Where the hell did that cat go?”

“Cat?” Maddie asked.

Jack felt a heavy chill run up his spine.

“Loyd,” he said, panic rising along the edges of his voice. “His name is Loyd. You can't tell me that you missed him. He was sleeping on the pull out bed when we headed to the bedroom last night.”

Maddie's eyes revealed a deep sense of worry, telling him that she wasn't joking.

“He was in the kitchen on the counter, yesterday when we were talking.”

“Jack,” she said carefully. “Don't you think I would have asked about him if I had seen him?”

“Oh come on Maddie. Are you trying to tell me I made him up?”

Maddie was silent, shifting uncomfortably as she found her way to the table.

Jack remained frozen in place, his jaw slack. Suddenly he felt a overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. After a few moments he realized he was crying.

“Jack,” she said sympathetically.

Jackie!

Jack screamed, Maddie flinching reflexively.

Jaaaack...Jackie Boy

“Leave me alone,” he cried.

“Are you okay?” she asked, “You look upset like before.”

Jack looked at her, his face taut with grief.

“It was me...I was looking for some excuse, but it was me.”

All those tender moments, all in your head

Jack slumped to the floor, Maddie quickly coming down to his level and placing his head in her arms. “Talk to me Jack.” she said.

“ I really am crazy,” he murmured

“Talk to me about what happened six months ago. Get it out. This voice, its source is probably you pain. Please Jack,” she said, kissing him on the cheek. “Talk to me.”

Jack felt a thick ringing rising in his ears, pain pressing against his temples. He struggled to say much of anything, the pain making it hard to breathe.

“I know...it wasn't your fault...you were sick.”

Maddie felt her chest tighten, but remained as she was, closing her eyes and laying her head against the top of his head.

“It was...It was...you or her. The doctors made that clear.”

Jaaack...

“But I still blamed you. For so long I blamed you...”

Jack stopped talking. Maddie noticed, and with effort said what she could.

“What did you blame me for Jack?” she whispered.

Jack cried. “Because...because you are alive and my daughter is dead...”

Maddie felt as if her chest would cave in, hearing at last the truth that had kept them apart, her heart aching in her chest.

“I'm so sorry...not a day passes where I don't feel guil...guilty.”

Jack shook his head, tears stinging his eyes. He struggled to put the words together, “No...you ...” He was sobbing now, the enormity of his guilt for what he had put her through hitting his like a freight train. “I should have never put that on you...It was never your fault. I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you...”

She didn't say anything in response. Nothing needed to be said. The tension drained from her now that the pain she had been carrying for six months was laid bare.

He rose slightly from the ground and held her close. Jack felt the ringing in his ears subsiding, the pain in his temples releasing its grip. Outside the storm had already started. Part of Jack thought of the cat, wondered if he was okay. But Jack knew better, and pushed the thought from his mind.

Kissing her came easy, as the rain droned and the wind picked up its pace.